I clearly remember the day of my first migraine. I was in the middle of a night class during my junior year of college and began to get a headache. I had not eaten much that day and figured that was the cause. By the time I returned home from my class that evening, I was having the worst headache of my entire life. I had seen advertisements on TV about aneurysms, and that you feel like you are going to die and need to go to the emergency room. In addition to experiencing the worst pain I had ever felt up to that point in my life, I was vomiting and truly felt like I was going to die. Even though I wondered if I was having an aneurysm, I was scared to go to the emergency room. I just wanted to go to sleep and have it all disappear. Somehow, I fell asleep and woke up in the morning feeling much better. Confused about what happened, I made an appointment at the college health center. They said what I experienced was a migraine and sent me home with samples of a migraine medication. I began having more migraines and quickly went through those samples. I honestly believed I could not seek medical care beyond what I received at the campus health clinic. I could not afford the cost of a prescription for migraine meds. So…I suffered. Time went on, and so did the migraines. I remember wanting to beat my head on walls, thinking that the pain from that would be more bearable than the migraine pain. I remember the upset stomach, the visual auras, the nausea, and the vomiting. There is a whole lot about my junior and senior year of college I do not remember. What I do remember is the migraine pain, and the anxiety and depression that began to surround me and cloud my life. Approximately half of my days for the next 20+ years would be full of pain from migraines.
Soon after migraines began taking over my life, I began dealing with depression and anxiety. Depression plagued me, as I could not see a future with anything but pain in front of me. Anxiety began to creep in, as I did not know when I would get a migraine from things that were becoming triggers. I was anxious about going places, such as social gatherings, because of all the potential triggers that could be encountered: strong perfume or candles, cigarette smoke, loud music, flashing lights, etc. My world bean to become smaller and smaller as I just avoided going places where I thought a migraine could be triggered. During this time in college, my anxiety and depression went undiagnosed and untreated. I knew I was miserable, but I did not know there was a name for the mental chaos I was experiencing. I knew my brain was not working correctly, but I was afraid to reach out to anyone because of the stigma that surrounds mental health. For the last 20+ years, depression and anxiety have hung around, sometimes front and center, sometimes further in the background…but they are always there to some degree.
What I just shared is the beginning of my story. The “perfect storm” of migraines, depression, and anxiety has had a dramatic impact on my life. I will share stories of my experience, with the hope someone experiencing the same thing does not feel so alone. What I share is my personal experience and is not medical advice. I urge you to seek medical care if you are experiencing a medical issue. Having an effective medical team has benefited me more than words can say, and I encourage everyone to do the same.
RESOURCES
Emergency: Call 911
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Phone: 1-800-273-8255
Online Chat: suicidepreventionlifeline.org