The holiday season is often marketed as a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. But for many of us struggling with mental health, it’s a season of guilt, anxiety, and feeling like we’re falling short. If you find yourself dreading the festivities rather than embracing them, you’re not alone—and there’s nothing wrong with you.
The Weight of Depression During the Holidays
Depression doesn’t take a break for the holidays. If anything, the pressure to be in the “holiday spirit” can make it worse. Everyone around you seems cheerful, and there’s an unspoken expectation that you should be, too. When you’re not, it’s easy to feel like you’re ruining the holidays for yourself or others. Guilt and shame pile up quickly.
But here’s the thing: You don’t owe anyone a performance of happiness. The holidays are just days on a calendar. They don’t magically erase your struggles or mean you’re supposed to feel a certain way. What if you approached this season with acceptance instead of pressure? Acceptance doesn’t mean liking how you feel or giving up; it means acknowledging where you are emotionally without judgment.
Pair acceptance with self-compassion. When the guilt creeps in, remind yourself: “I’m doing the best I can, and that’s enough.” It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. If taking part in holiday traditions feels overwhelming, give yourself permission to step back or simplify.
Anxiety and the Fear of Judgment
For those of us with anxiety, the holidays often mean social gatherings—family dinners, parties, events. Even being around people who love and care for you can feel suffocating. One question, in particular, has the power to derail an entire evening: “What have you been up to this year?”
It’s such a casual question, yet it feels loaded. If your year has been about surviving—waking up every day and getting through it—that’s no small feat. But when everyone else is sharing career milestones, family updates, or exciting travels, it’s hard not to feel like a loser.
Here’s the truth: Staying alive is an accomplishment. It may not come with a trophy or a round of applause, but it’s monumental. Your worth isn’t tied to how much you’ve achieved. If you need a response to that dreaded question, try this: “I’ve been focusing on my mental health and doing what I can to take care of myself.” It’s honest, and it shifts the conversation to something real.
Letting Go of Comparison
Comparison is the thief of joy, and the holidays are its prime hunting ground. Social media floods us with highlight reels of perfect holiday cards, sparkling decorations, and seemingly happy families. It’s easy to feel like you’re falling behind.
But those snapshots don’t tell the whole story. Everyone has struggles you don’t see. Instead of measuring your life against someone else’s curated version, try focusing on what’s meaningful to you. What small wins can you celebrate? Maybe it’s that you made it through another day, or that you’re seeking help, or that you’ve set boundaries to protect your mental health. These things matter.
Permission to Do the Holidays Your Way
The holidays don’t have to look like a Hallmark movie. They can look like whatever you need them to be. Maybe that means skipping the big gatherings and spending the day with a good book and your favorite blanket. Maybe it means ordering takeout instead of cooking a big meal. Or maybe it means finding one small tradition that feels doable and letting the rest go.
You don’t have to explain your choices to anyone. Your mental health is reason enough. This season, give yourself the gift of grace. Surviving is enough. You are enough.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, please reach out to a mental health professional or crisis helpline immediately. There is help available, and you don’t have to navigate this journey alone.
Emergency: Call 911
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255
Online Chat: suicidepreventionlifeline.org