Some days, depression feels like a weight I can’t shake off. Today is one of those days. I’ve been giving myself a hard time for not feeling motivated, even though I know—intellectually, at least—that this is one of the many side effects of depression. The frustration comes from feeling like I’m stuck in a loop of self-criticism, even though I’ve written about this very topic before.
Am I Lazy or Just Depressed?
This is the question I keep asking myself. It’s easy to feel lazy when my to-do list sits untouched, and all I want to do is lie down. But is this laziness, or am I feeling the fog of depression? Depression has a sneaky way of convincing us that our struggles are moral failings. It whispers, “You’re just not trying hard enough”. It’s a cruel trick of the mind, but it’s one I’m working to identify and challenge.
I’ve learned that being unmotivated doesn’t mean I’m lazy. It means my brain and body are carrying an extra load today. That load might look invisible to others, but I feel its full weight—and it’s exhausting.
Self-Compassion–Easier Said Than Done
I’m trying to practice self-compassion, but it’s hard. Telling myself it’s okay to feel this way often feels hollow. The voice of self-criticism is louder and more familiar. It points to all the things I haven’t done today and uses them as proof that I’m failing.
But I know, deep down, that self-compassion is crucial. Healing isn’t linear, and setbacks don’t erase progress. I remind myself of that often, even if it doesn’t always sink in. I’m also trying to let myself feel the frustration without letting it define me. I’m not lazy. I’m not a failure. I’m someone living with a challenging condition, doing the best I can in this moment.
Is the New Treatment Working?
Starting a new treatment always comes with hope and doubt. I want so badly for this one to work. On days like today, when I feel unmotivated and drained, it’s easy to wonder if I’m wasting my time. But recovery isn’t a straight path. Progress can be slow and uneven, with breakthroughs one day and setbacks the next. That doesn’t mean the effort is futile.
I remind myself that mental health treatments take time. It’s okay to have doubts and frustrations along the way. What matters is continuing to show up for myself, even when it feels difficult.
Giving Myself Grace
One thing I’m working on is giving myself grace. When I feel unmotivated, I try to focus on small wins—even if it’s just getting out of bed or writing this blog post. These small victories remind me that I’m not stuck; I’m moving forward, even if it’s at a slower pace than I’d like.
If you’re struggling with similar feelings, know that you’re not alone. The voice of self-criticism can be loud, but it doesn’t have to control the narrative. Let’s both try to replace it with a gentler voice, one that acknowledges our struggles without judgment.
Healing isn’t linear, but every step—even the hard ones—is part of the journey. Let’s give ourselves permission to rest, to feel, and to hope for better days ahead.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, please reach out to a mental health professional or crisis helpline immediately. There is help available, and you don’t have to navigate this journey alone.
Emergency: Call 911
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255
Online Chat: suicidepreventionlifeline.org