Goals are an important part of life. They give us direction, purpose, and a sense of accomplishment. But for those of us dealing with severe mental health challenges or chronic pain, setting and achieving goals can feel like climbing a mountain with no peak in sight. On our hardest days, just staying alive might be the only thing we can manage. And you know what? That’s okay.
It’s essential to set goals that align with where we are, not where we think we should be. That’s where the SMART framework can help, especially the “R” in SMART–Realistic. Let’s break it down and explore how to set goals with self-compassion at the core.
What Are SMART Goals?
SMART stands for:
• Specific–Your goal should be clear and focused.
• Measurable–You should be able to track progress or completion.
• Achievable–It should be within reach, given your circumstances.
• Realistic–It should consider your current physical, emotional, and mental state.
• Time-bound–Set a timeframe to provide structure and motivation.
Why “Realistic” Is Key for Mental Health
For those of us navigating mental health struggles, “realistic” goals aren’t just practical—they’re lifesaving. A realistic goal respects the ebb and flow of our mental and physical health. It accounts for the unpredictable nature of our challenges and prevents us from setting ourselves up for failure or burnout.
The truth is, our goals might not look like everyone else’s—and that can be painful to accept. While others may be smashing career milestones or running marathons, our victories might be smaller but just as meaningful: getting out of bed, taking a shower, eating a meal, or reaching out to a friend. These are not insignificant. They’re milestones of resilience in the face of adversity.
How to Set SMART Goals with Self-Compassion
• Start Small and Celebrate Every Win–Instead of aiming to “fix everything” in one go, break down your goals into tiny, manageable steps. For example, instead of “clean the house,” start with “put away one item.”
• Make It Personal–Avoid comparing your goals to others’. Your journey is uniquely yours, and your goals should reflect that.
• Build Flexibility Into Your Goals–Example: Instead of “exercise 30 minutes every day,” try “move my body in some way three times this week.” This could be a walk, gentle stretches, or even dancing in your living room.
• Focus on What You Can Control–External circumstances or other people’s actions aren’t always within our control. Set goals around what you can influence. For instance, “Journal my thoughts for 5 minutes today” instead of “feel happy all day.
• Be Kind to Yourself–Remember, not meeting a goal doesn’t mean you failed—it means today was tough, and that’s okay. You can try again tomorrow.
• Recognize the Goal of Survival–On the hardest days, staying alive is a massive achievement. Remember, surviving a difficult day is a triumph, not a failure.
Examples of Realistic SMART Goals for Mental Health Days
• Specific–Take my medication on time every day this week.
• Measurable–Spend 10 minutes in the sun three times this week.
• Achievable–Write one sentence in my gratitude journal today.
• Realistic–Call or text one supportive person this week.
• Time-bound–Spend 5 minutes tidying my space before bed tonight.
The Power of Self-Compassion
When setting goals, self-compassion isn’t just helpful—it’s essential. Be gentle with yourself and acknowledge the effort it takes to function while battling inner demons. Treat yourself as you would a dear friend: with kindness, understanding, and encouragement.
Goals don’t have to be monumental to matter. For those of us dealing with mental health challenges or chronic pain, the smallest steps can represent enormous courage and strength. Celebrate your progress, no matter how modest it seems. You’re showing up for yourself in a world that often doesn’t understand how hard that can be—and that’s something to be proud of. Remember, your goals don’t need to mirror the world’s definition of success. They just need to honor your journey.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, please reach out to a mental health professional or crisis helpline immediately. There is help available, and you don’t have to navigate this journey alone.
Emergency: Call 911
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255
Online Chat: suicidepreventionlifeline.org